Are You the Captain of Your Soul? The Choices One Makes

In the poem, "Invictus" by English poet, William Ernest Henley, the last stanza reads as follows:

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

South African President Nelson Mandela found solace and affirmation in this poem during his decades in Robben Island Prison as others controlled his circumstances and even whether he lived or died. He made a choice that no one would strip his dignity nor take away his mastery of his own soul. He would own his decisions and actions and never blame them upon external circumstance.

Just a few decades earlier in the hell of Auschwitz, Dr. Viktor Frankl had found refuge from the otherworldly hell by cultivating his inner life. He also resisted the temptation to allow circumstances to determine the choices he made for himself.

In his book, Man's Search For Meaning, he speaks of the brutality, the deprivation of freedom, sleep and food and the temptation to fall into hopelessness. Underneath it all was a fight for survival that laid open one's soul.

"The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity -even under the most difficult circumstances- to add a deeper meaning to his life. It may remain brave, dignified and unselfish. Or in the bitter fight for self-preservation he may forget his human dignity and become no more than an animal. Here lies the chance for a man either to make use of or to forgo the opportunities of attaining the moral values that a difficult decision may afford him. And this decides whether he is worthy of his suffering or not."

Who knows what the future holds. A few of us will need to face circumstances as bleak as those faced by Nelson Mandela or Viktor Frankl, but most of us will not. We will be tested on a soul level when faced with divorce or substance abuse. We will be challenged when we have an opportunity to take unfair advantage of a situation to pocket extra money. We will lower our standards, behave selfishly or be creatively unethical because of the pressures of a situation with consequences.

Just as the fight for survival or unjust imprisonment could be used as an excuse for rage and the unleashing of evil, we will have good reasons for our own failures to captain our souls. I am not writing for the evil nor am I writing for the perfect.

In July of 2002, my wife of 16 years asked for a divorce. While we had been struggling in our relationship for a period of time; I still loved her, was committed to our marriage and cared deeply about our three children. This divorce demand was a relief in terms of getting the issue out into the open but was also an internal seismic event. I began my education in divorce and sought counseling help to gain both assistance and perspective. This unwanted destruction of my marriage became the most significant opportunity for me to become and remain the captain of my soul but it was a struggle to do so.

Divorce in America is common and has become a spectator sport. Many people will take sides and then encourage the participant they are rooting for to be selfish or to dole out punishment. It is hard not to feel victimized by circumstances that you can not control. The disruption of your life and the losses to what you've built are real, even if you make it all the way through the process while doing your best to be a good person. It is even harder to regain your sense of optimism and inner peace. Inner peace is the compass, the source of bearing, and optimism for the future is the prevailing wind, the power to move forward, for the captain of the soul.

We did finally divorce after five years of separation, a period in which our children moved most of the way to adulthood. The failure remains a disappointment, but today I primarily give weight to my failure to provide my children with something better. I truly wanted to provide my children with something better than my own parents failed marriage and the broken apart family that resulted. Alas, all that one can control is one's choices and subsequent actions. My choices and actions will need to suffice as a small legacy to my children.

I have also chosen to remain the captain of my soul in professional situations. Years ago, I attended a meeting where the executives were discussing upcoming projects. The head of facilities reviewed a project he had been working on for six months and was about to implement to install new electronic door hardware on about 350 doors in our major facility for a cost of $200,000. The hardware was on its way and the installers were set to go. At the time of the meeting I had no responsibility for the facility. Because of past work, I knew that at least some of the doors had fire proof cores that contained asbestos. I spoke up and raised the issue. I asked if they had tested the doors. My boss very much wanted the project to move forward and began to voice his disapproval. In an agitated manner he dismissed my concerns and told the manager to go forward with the project. I strongly objected until they agreed to put the project on hold until the doors were all tested. 

After the meeting, my boss invited me into his office and chastised me for both having "higher" standards and for imposing those standards on others. Who did I think I was to be setting standards for others? He demanded to know. I had delayed a project and embarrassed him in a meeting, but I had also prevented the inadvertent release of asbestos particles into the air due to sawing or drilling into those doors. My relationship with this person slowly and steadily spiraled downward from that point and led to me leaving a good position and decent paying job, but I remained the captain of my soul.

This is not about perfection. I lay no such claim as I am clearly a faulty human being not a divine entity.

It is more of a life stance. The leader, the creator, the artist, the builder all must choose not to be the victim of circumstance. My life is not a "reaction" it is rather a chosen "action".

The captain knows that the ocean is unpredictable and unforgiving, beautiful and sometimes deadly but the ocean is also the source of life and container where life is lived.

To be the master of your fate and be the captain of your soul, you must embrace the suffering that comes your way and remain brave, unselfish and dignified in its very presence. Be bowed to God but not to your own circumstances.

Developing a Personal Creative Vision

What is the source of meaning in your life? As Viktor Frankl discussed in Man's Search For Meaning, each individual brings or grants "meaning" to their own life. Dr. Frankl gained deep insights into the human condition while a prisoner at Auschwitz.

If one was "lucky" enough to survive the initial selection process at Auschwitz, a short life of brutality, starvation, hard labor and hopelessness was bound to follow. Yet, among this alien world, Dr. Frankl saw hope, love and humanity. While an individual was constantly subjected to the prospects of a random death over which the inmate had no control, the key factors for survival in Auschwitz emerged, which were a rich or strong inner-life and a sense that one had unfinished work to do if they managed to survive.

Dr. Frankl addressed both of these by collecting examples of expressed humanity at Auschwitz and designing lectures to be given regarding his observations in the future after his release. He would imagine teaching his future students and engaging in dialogue with them.

If you were given a finite lifeline, what unfinished work would you want to accomplish?

For many people, this work will have nothing to do with how they earn a living. For some, it will be a modification or refinement of what they primarily do for a living.

Some helpful clarifying questions are:

What are you passionate about?

If you had the power to change the world, what would you change about it?

How would you ensure that your values or perspective or abilities are passed on to others.

Your creation can be a work of art or a fictional story, a business or institution, a book or a movie, a forest or park, a new law, a solution to a problem.

The important part is to have enough clarity to begin to envision (if only in your dreams) a desired result.

As Robert Fritz discusses in The Path of Least Resistance, the more clarity and detail you bring to your desired result the more tension and power you create. When you climb a cliff the rope tightens under the tension of your weight and your progess or lack of progress becomes painfully clear to all.

Many of us use being vague or unclear to keep us emotionally "off the hook" for producing a result. No one wants to fail. Most of the time, we actually prevent failure by avoiding the competition. We do not even enter the race or step up to bat. (Please excuse the sporty metaphors.) I plead guilty to this myself.

So to avoid the pain of failing at something that we put our heart and soul into, we stay vague about what we truly want, keep our distance from the tension of wanting something that does not exist and ultimately guarantee that we will fail just a little bit each and every day.

I want to create, build and lead a successful alternative adult education institution that addresses our spiritual needs, general well being and professional abilities in a holistic way. I have taken some risks and followed up on some of my opportunities to further this vision and yet I have held back and delayed much energy and commitment as well.

What fires you up? What fires you up on an ongoing basis? Of the things you were passionate about as an idealistic teenager or youngster, which of those things still hold interest?

The first step in developing a personal creative vision is looking inward for that spark and then envisioning how that spark would grow if you fed it and breathed your life's energy in to it.

The Search for Meaning and Legacy

The rapid pace of change and dissolution of traditional institutions has once again brought the question of meaning to the forefront of many individuals who want to live a life of significance. For some that significance has a spiritual texture for others it has a more commercial texture and for many the primary texture is creative. That is, to bring into being something that would not exist without my unique and individual creative efforts.

Regardless of the specifics, significant disruptive events often beget a reflective pause. Sometimes a cold slap to the face is needed to wake one from the living dream of going through the motions. I too, live a typical life. I need to pay the bills and work regularly to meet those obligations. My life flies by a week at a time.

For two decades now, I have pursued wisdom and legacy. I have done this in the face of illness, divorce, job loss as well the successes. I have drawn heavily from reading and research which I will discuss in more detail later.

Twenty years ago, I had the privilege of working as a consultant for three top executives at the sunset of their careers. As their pending retirements approached these three leaders sought to leave a legacy and reassure themselves that the fifty years of working had had meaning.

About six years later I had developed a framework for creating legacy. A brief discussion of this framework follows:
1) Vision: Actively work to clarify and then choose a creative focal point for your life.
2) Spiritual Path: Reaffirm your values in daily life.
3) Financial Independence: Develop the financial resources to fund your own life over time.
4) Appropriate use of Technology: Use technology to solve problems and connect you to others who can assist you in creating your vision.
5) Learning Skills: Develop your own learning skills so you may teach yourself things that no one can show you.

The framework above is much simpler than the work you choose take upon yourself when you choose to create a purposeful legacy.

Joseph Campbell used to point out the hero path in both its universal and unique aspects and in many ways, the legacy choice is a similar path. As Campbell pointed out; when the Holy Grail appeared to the knights of the round table, the knights collectively made a decision to take upon the Grail quest. Yet when the knights left the round table and entered the woods, they each entered at a different place as they each had to follow their own unique path to the Grail.